Pontificating

If God were so concerned about having his name taken in vain, he wouldn’t let the pope visit major metropolitan areas during workdays.

What, the pope can excommunicate but he can’t telecommute?

Damn.

Which makes my commute this morning something of a miracle. Baltimore to D.C. on MARC, Red Line of the Metro to the Farragut North subway stop, where the Circulator bus was waiting for me. Here’s the kicker: Because of barricades set up for the pope, the Circulator had to use its old route, which took it in one stop from K Street at 21st to K and Thomas Jefferson Street, where I work. Cut off 30 minutes worth of stops along Pennsylvania Avenue and M Street.

A silent prayer of thanksgiving, and I calmly strolled to the breakfast place (didn’t think to have eggs Benedict), watched the Potomac roll on by for a while and still beat my co-workers in.

On second thought, maybe the pope should move here. Vatican’s getting kinda old anyway, right?

Along for the Ride

Excuse me. Is that seat taken? Oh, really. Well, did your briefcase purchase a ticket? …

Hey, didn’t I see you on this bus yesterday? Or was it in the subway. Yes, I’m sure. Of course, you pushed past me at the door, stepped out of line to grab a free newspaper, then cut back in front at the escalator, waited to find your subway pass until you were in the turnstile, forced your way onto the train before passengers could get off, parked yourself and your rolling suitcase in the doorway, blocking it, huffed at the people crowding on past you and gave me a dirty look as I reached above you to grab hold of the bar.

How’ve you been?

Good? Good. Now, we’ve got a little time to kill here, so let’s chat. Oh, you don’t talk to strangers? But we aren’t really strangers, are we? More like familiar opponents. And we’ve been at this game a while now.

Long enough to know better, I suppose. But let’s not live in the past, eh?

This blog is for you and for the rest of us, the commuters who by necessity invade each other’s spaces each workday. Seen it all, haven’t we? Until the next jerk pulls a spectacularly dumb, careless, rotten, unnecessary trick that holds us all up. The rush-hour U-Turn on K Street in Washington. Giving up the seat next to you on a full train — to your backpack. Double parking on a busy street when spaces are available two car lengths up. Applying makeup/text messaging/reading while driving. Oh, and your daily routine, naturally.

We’re not here to cast the first stone, believe me. But please accept a bit of unsolicited advice from the guy in the seat — or the lane — next to you:

Think a little. Be considerate. Report any unattended items. Take your trash. (Nobody wants your newspaper — we think it has cooties.) Please step toward the center of the subway car. Shut up and drive. Close the bathroom door after you leave. Mind the gap.

And have a great day. We apologize for any inconvenience.